A Car Ride to Heaven ....? I need Jenn
Luke has reacted really quite well to Grandad Colin not being around anymore, when we lost dad (6 months ago) it was one of the many, many things I worried about as they were really close. I told Lukey that Grandad Colin had got very poorly and couldn't live with us anymore, he had gone to live in Heaven which is way up in the sky amongst the clouds, sun, moon and stars (at which point a plane flew past and Luke shouted "Look, there he is flying the plane". Anyhow, it seemed to work really well and mum and I were quite comfy with it. But now .....
So the other day Richard, Luke and myself went to see the other Grandparents in Manchester. They have a really cute blue car called a Micra which is very similar to the old Mini (for those who aren't familar with them). Luke adores this car and is allowed to sit in it on the driveway (which is gated off from the road) and play at his pleasure pretending to drive. I was having a cuppa in their living room when Luke came haring in shouting "Mummy, Mummy, let's go for a drive, come on". So, I trundled out and got in the passenger seat next to him.
(Me) "So where are we going then Luke"
(Luke) "For a drive of course"
(Me) "Where are you taking us"
(Luke) "To Heaven"
(Me) "Where?"
(Luke) "To Heaven to see Grandad Colin"
(Me) "Why?"
(Luke) "Because I haven't seen him for ages and I miss him and so we are going, FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS I'M COMING TO GET YOU GRANDAD COLIN."
So, I bit my now trembling lip and played make believe driving to Heaven with Luke which included picking dad up and taking him for a drive around and then delivering him back there.
I couldn't help thinking that it would be so cool if it were only that simple and that dad would actually be laughing about it and really happy that his little Lukey was still playing with him.
On the other hand though, is it really healthy? and I couldn't help thinking that my cousin Jenn (Vetmommy) would have maybe handled the whole telling Lukey thing a tad better than me.
My friend Nikki (a regular commenter on this blog) has just lost her dad a little over a week ago, I know she hasn't told her son Cameron (2 1/2) yet and is probably dreading having to explain what has happened to him, it is such a sensitive thing to have to handle, I often wonder if there is any such thing as "the right thing to say".
So the other day Richard, Luke and myself went to see the other Grandparents in Manchester. They have a really cute blue car called a Micra which is very similar to the old Mini (for those who aren't familar with them). Luke adores this car and is allowed to sit in it on the driveway (which is gated off from the road) and play at his pleasure pretending to drive. I was having a cuppa in their living room when Luke came haring in shouting "Mummy, Mummy, let's go for a drive, come on". So, I trundled out and got in the passenger seat next to him.
(Me) "So where are we going then Luke"
(Luke) "For a drive of course"
(Me) "Where are you taking us"
(Luke) "To Heaven"
(Me) "Where?"
(Luke) "To Heaven to see Grandad Colin"
(Me) "Why?"
(Luke) "Because I haven't seen him for ages and I miss him and so we are going, FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS I'M COMING TO GET YOU GRANDAD COLIN."
So, I bit my now trembling lip and played make believe driving to Heaven with Luke which included picking dad up and taking him for a drive around and then delivering him back there.
I couldn't help thinking that it would be so cool if it were only that simple and that dad would actually be laughing about it and really happy that his little Lukey was still playing with him.
On the other hand though, is it really healthy? and I couldn't help thinking that my cousin Jenn (Vetmommy) would have maybe handled the whole telling Lukey thing a tad better than me.
My friend Nikki (a regular commenter on this blog) has just lost her dad a little over a week ago, I know she hasn't told her son Cameron (2 1/2) yet and is probably dreading having to explain what has happened to him, it is such a sensitive thing to have to handle, I often wonder if there is any such thing as "the right thing to say".
posted by paula @ 7:09 AM
7 Comments:
At 10:32 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Paula...you did the right thing..only the other day I told our Grandaughter Martine that she must talk about her Dad and remember all the things that he did to make us laugh...don't talk as if he is gone because he is with you in Spirit and it's an honour to the be able to talk as if they were still with us in body too...Luke will realise one day that his Grandad is not to be seen in this world again, but he WILL feel as if he is watching all he does and not be afraid...I think it's a tribute to still remember them this way...but this is only my belief..hope this aspect helps. xxx
At 11:38 AM ,
Vetmommy said...
Paula, I am honored that you think so well of me. I think you did very well with Luke. How touching that he is thinking of his Grandad and remembers him so well! In general, I think honesty is the best policy when talking with kids about death and mortality - without going into too many scary unnecessary details of course. They usually can tell anyway if you're not being truthful about what happened to a loved one or the way that you are feeling. Instead of hiding our feelings of grief, it is actually good for them to see a healthy way to go through the process of losing someone - otherwise they feel wrong for feeling sad or deny those feelings in themselves.
Toddlers do have a wonderful imagination, and I think you were right to play along with Luke's fantasy of going to pick up his Grandad. I'm sure it helped him express himself and validated his feelings of loss. I'm sure you told him how much you missed your dad, too. Wouldn't it be great if we could all go on such a drive with our lost loved ones, even just one more time?
At 12:46 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Oh,Jennifer,your last statement made me think..it would be absolutely wonderful if we could take a last 'journey' to see our loved ones who have now gone..wouldn't we have a lot to say! starting with 'I miss you' and 'I love you' without sounding maudlin..one question I would ask my Mum is..'what's the party like up there?' :o)
At 6:15 AM ,
paula said...
It would be quite wonderful wouldn't it! Mind you, Dad is probably still have a grumble about stuff up there .... XX
At 9:55 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Nah,Paula,I don't think so..he is free at last from the misery and probably supping a pint with our Dad.Sheesh! I miss him.xx
At 8:17 AM ,
Emily said...
Oh, Paula, I have tears in my eyes. My heart goes out to you and Luke (and your mum).
At 7:15 PM ,
Unknown said...
What a sweet boy and a priceless moment.
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