Enthusiasm?
Just managed to grab a few minutes to myself while Luke is at Ladybirds (supposed to be cleaning and ironing).
Seems like everybody at the moment is running around buying armfulls off Christmas pressies, cards, festive food etc apart from moi. Sounds really depressing I know but this year I really can't summon up any enthusiasm at all. I am trying to get into the swing of it for Luke's sake as this is the first year really that he is aware of all the brewing excitement going on around town (yes they strung up the coloured lightbulbs in Church Street again) but it is very hard. I really really really miss dad at the moment, and I know mum and Richard are the same. It's so strange, we carry on muddling through the year clinging onto the hope that after this year is over things will feel a bit easier but blimey these "first" of everythings really do weigh you down emotionally. I mean, it's the little things as well, as Luke is getting older he is becoming so like dad in his looks and the little things he says, he even uttered that lovely line ...
"the things you see when you haven't got your ratting cap"
the other day (one of dad's favourites, he'd have been so proud) and I burst out laughing but then wanted to call him up and tell him. Still, I know that other people have to deal with much worse and the last thing he'd have wanted was for me to be all maudlin so head down and carry on I reckon. And also, I'm doing the Christmas dinner this year for Mum and Bill so I'll have to grab a bit of festive cheer for that, I mean, it's not everyday that I get to rip open a new box of Paxo for more than 3 people. I'm not doing a turkey this year (still have that poultry aversion) so will be roasting some beef and ham.
Actually, I'm being very unfair about the Runcorn lights, this year they have made a real effort, they are really quite pretty. They must have gotten more money for the budget after closing down the Tourist Information Centre, still can't believe they did that especially after the recent influx of Eastern Europeans into the town.
Ooops, it's getting on for collecting Luke so will have to dash.
Seems like everybody at the moment is running around buying armfulls off Christmas pressies, cards, festive food etc apart from moi. Sounds really depressing I know but this year I really can't summon up any enthusiasm at all. I am trying to get into the swing of it for Luke's sake as this is the first year really that he is aware of all the brewing excitement going on around town (yes they strung up the coloured lightbulbs in Church Street again) but it is very hard. I really really really miss dad at the moment, and I know mum and Richard are the same. It's so strange, we carry on muddling through the year clinging onto the hope that after this year is over things will feel a bit easier but blimey these "first" of everythings really do weigh you down emotionally. I mean, it's the little things as well, as Luke is getting older he is becoming so like dad in his looks and the little things he says, he even uttered that lovely line ...
"the things you see when you haven't got your ratting cap"
the other day (one of dad's favourites, he'd have been so proud) and I burst out laughing but then wanted to call him up and tell him. Still, I know that other people have to deal with much worse and the last thing he'd have wanted was for me to be all maudlin so head down and carry on I reckon. And also, I'm doing the Christmas dinner this year for Mum and Bill so I'll have to grab a bit of festive cheer for that, I mean, it's not everyday that I get to rip open a new box of Paxo for more than 3 people. I'm not doing a turkey this year (still have that poultry aversion) so will be roasting some beef and ham.
Actually, I'm being very unfair about the Runcorn lights, this year they have made a real effort, they are really quite pretty. They must have gotten more money for the budget after closing down the Tourist Information Centre, still can't believe they did that especially after the recent influx of Eastern Europeans into the town.
Ooops, it's getting on for collecting Luke so will have to dash.
posted by paula @ 2:41 AM
9 Comments:
At 10:19 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Yes Paula that is a lovely line that you've heard often. But, did Lukey get it quite right?...........
It MUST begin with, "Bloody hell,The things you see" .... etc
At 10:31 AM ,
Emily said...
Ah, Paula, so sorry you're missing your dad. It's understandable that we miss our loved ones more at the holidays. Sending you a virtual hug!
At 6:33 PM ,
Vetmommy said...
Its funny how grief can creep up on you when there are new triggers around, just when you thought things were getting better.
And, sorry for being so American, but what is a new box of Paxo?
At 1:53 AM ,
paula said...
You know, Paxo that wonderful dried stuffing that you pour boiling water on and stir until it resembles a lovely thick gloop, you then oven or grill it. Mmmmm Paxo. Nothing like good old home cooking (?).
At 1:56 AM ,
paula said...
Actually Uncle Eric it always started with "Bloody hell" but dad left that bit out after a few stern words from me. Could you imagine what the "Alpha Mum" at nursery would say if he came out with those words when we were lining up in the morning to drop our kids off.
At 10:04 AM ,
Anonymous said...
I always thought that to get through the first 12 months after losing a dear one was the hardest..but I think I am going to find that is not so..yes,I know time heals..but after 48 years I still miss my Dad..every single day (and at night) songs (some he taught me) are running through my mind..goodness me he left me a legacy I can do without..sheesh! singing in my head all the time..I get a bit sick of the same songs too sometimes..:o)can't get to sleep because of them..your little Luke sounds another Colin with his sayings. xx
At 6:33 AM ,
Unknown said...
Oh so good to have you back on the 'net, Paula. I have no idea what a ratting cap is, but sounds like Lukey will keep your dad's memory alive.
My heart doesn't yet know the kind of loss you are grieving, but having had my mom in my house this year on the anniversary of her father's death has been illuminating. It still consumes a big portion of her thoughts this time every year, and she shared that with me.
Is Paxo like Bisto?
I'm typing from my hospital bed -- I'm at St. Lukes Hospital! ;)
At 4:09 AM ,
paula said...
Oh Steph, so sorry to hear about you being ill. Paxo is similar in idea to Bisto in so much as they are both edible only once you have boiled the kettle and poured the hot water on. Unless of course you are very drunk and in the absence of cheese on toast decide to consume the contents of your condiment cupboard (not to be recommended really). XXXXX
At 10:22 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Steph! Paxo is what we stuff our Turkeys and chickens with ...I grow my own sage so I add some of that and it makes it really tasy.mmm. nice isn't it,Paula...Bisto as Paula says haha is for making a quick gravy (if you are not drunk)... Incidently we have a St.Lukes Hospital near to us...
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